On being reasonable

Cheebu just can’t bear me being angry with her. In her immediate rage on being scolded at, she may shout at me or run away from me, but within moments of that she will come back running to me with hugs and kisses and saying “Mumma, pyaar karo”. Here is an incident that happened a couple of days back.

I went to pick Cheebu from the daycare in the evening. We were coming out happily, when one of her friends  asked her to come to her home with her. Now, this friend stays in our older building, her mom and me are very good friends and Cheebu would often go to their home when we stayed in the same building. Cheebu immediately wanted to go with her. I tried to reason with her and told her that it was already late and now that we no longer stay in the same building and since papa is also not around, it would be difficult for me to get her back. I also told her that she could go on a weekend. But Cheebu refused to listen to any reason and threw a tantrum saying that she wanted to go. Now I had had a long day at work too that day and lost my cool. I told her that she can go wherever she wants and walked away. She came running, crying after me, got into the car and we drove back home. At home, I scolded her and told her that she knew that it was not possible for her to go on a weekday and still she created a scene. I was very angry and refused to talk to her. She went away to sulk in her room, but as is her nature, soon came back to me saying sorry and that she  would never do it again and so on. But I was so angry, that I still refused to talk to her. On normal days, after freshening up I help her with her studies. I write the questions for her and she writes the answers. She asked me, if we could start with the studies. In my anger, I told her that there was going to be no studies that day. She went back to her room and I continued to sulk 🙂 She came back to me after sometime with her books. She had painstakingly written all the questions in pen (just like I do it) and then answered them all and brought it to me for getting it checked 🙂 I was amazed and truly impressed. There are days when I have trouble to make her sit and study and here she was with both the questions and answers written just to make me happy. I couldn’t remain angry for long now. I hugged her and kissed her and explained to her why she could not have gone to her friend’s house on a weekday. But I needn’t have, for she was already convinced.

This is just one incident, but I have noticed that if I justify my reasons for saying no to her for anything, she does try to understand. She may throw a tantrum initially, but in the end she does see reason. Another time, we were at Landmark, looking for books. Now, she knows most of the books that I own by their covers and sometimes even the books that I am interested in buying. I told her, I was looking for Sita by Devdutt Pattnaik. Both of us began looking for it and eventually we did find it. But, when I looked at the price, I told her that I won’t buy it as it was very expensive and available at a much cheaper price on Flipkart. Then we went looking for books for her. She liked one Barbie book which she had seen at a friend’s house and wanted it. Now, I don’t like these barbie books at all and besides it was VERY expensive. I showed her the price and also told her that I didn’t really like this book. Much to my surprise, she agreed not to buy it, though she spent the rest of her time there, going through that book. Later at home we had a discussion. She asked me why her friend’s mother had got the book for her even though it was expensive and we could not get it for her. I explained to her that not everybody has the same kind of money and that we should spend our money wisely on reasonable things that we feel are worth. We can’t buy everything even though we may like it. I told her that for the same reason, I did not buy Sita, even though I wanted it badly. She agreed with me 🙂 Probably, on this occasion my actions spoke louder than words  but I was happy that she understood my point 🙂

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